In my first post, I mentioned that we have all been negotiating since we were infants. If a baby wants something, it cries, or ingratiates, or fusses to get our attention and get us to give it what it wants. So, should you whine like a giant baby whenever you want something more out of life? Of course not. But you have a lifetime’s worth of experience getting more, and the only thing standing in your way today is branding.

“Branding?” Yes, branding – remember I mentioned self-help experts and negotiation wonks? They get paid when you hire them to do your negotiations for you. So, it’s in their best interest to make it as complicated as possible. You’ll hear jargon like ZOPA and BATNA – Zone of Possible Agreement and Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement – phrases that make negotiation sound like an esoteric science. It’s not. You are already an accomplished negotiator. You’ve just forgotten how to do it, and need some tips, tricks, and practice in applying it to the world around you.

“But I don’t want to be rude!” “I don’t want to argue so much!” “Why shouldn’t I just choose from what’s offered?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said the same thing to myself. We live in a (usually) polite society, where social graces, rules of decorum, and our own upbringing have made us avoid conflict and dispute as much as possible. (If you’re a shock jock or an internet troll, feel free to skip ahead…). But the simple fact is this: no one ever puts as much thought and care into their offer as you think. We are all busy. We are all pulled in hundreds of different directions in each moment. Whatever product, solution, package, or suggestion has been offered to you was likely crafted as an afterthought by the other party.

What does that tell you? It tells you that either A) the other party doesn’t care that much about whether their offer remains perfectly intact and unmodified, or B) the other party just doesn’t have much time (and certainly not enough time to debate you at length). If it’s A, then they’ll happily accept changes (within reason – don’t ask for the world and offer nothing in return). If it’s B, then they may care if you change it, but not enough to spend time arguing every single point.

“But what if they get annoyed by me and walk away?” That’s a valid concern, and one that every negotiator (and remember – everyone is a negotiator) worries about. But, if you’ve gotten to the point of discussing the terms of an offer for something, the other party stands to benefit if you say yes. And, unless they are exceptionally bad at creating their first offer, they will still stand to benefit even if you make some changes. As long as you stay respectful and act in good faith, the offer will rarely be rescinded based on a conversation over terms.

So, when should you negotiate? Every day. Every time you want something from someone else. Negotiation is just the process by which we come to an agreement. If you want a lower phone bill, a break on medical costs, a higher salary, or you child’s meals prepped by a babysitter, you have an opportunity to negotiate. If you want your partner to take out the trash before it gets too high, your boss to give you next Wednesday off, or your kid to walk the dog, you have an opportunity to negotiate. Every moment you spend with another person is a chance to negotiate.

So, maybe don’t whine like a giant baby, but remember that a baby is never afraid to ask for what it wants. You can be at least as fearless as a baby.